Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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