other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
