the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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