just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
