So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
