Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
