she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
