the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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