how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize