She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
