My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize