I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
