trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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