Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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