Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
