And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
