I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
