This is not my ceiling
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
