So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
