I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
