piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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