The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
