my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
