I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
