Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize