my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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