I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
