I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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