I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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