Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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