my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
