Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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