its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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