only if we run a train.
done.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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