Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
