Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
