I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were destined to go to rehab together
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
