The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
