He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
