Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
