Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize