i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
