My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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