He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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