I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
