my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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