Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
