Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
