Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
