but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
