How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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