you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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