we made out on top of his cat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
