You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
