why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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