We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
