No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
