After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
