i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
