it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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