im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
