I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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