And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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