Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
