So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
