How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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