Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
