I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
