hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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