hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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