is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
