I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
