We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
