Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
