she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize