Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
