She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
