is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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