i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
