I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
