She's JV to your varsity
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
