Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
