New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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