The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
