I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
